to make love and be without

such animalist desires
my body screams and tantrums for his vibration
His skin, His lips

we criminalized our bodies against an ancient law
beyond rational control
and I tremble to obey the resulting sentence

my strength grips and frustrates at emptiness
my stomach rolls, searching for him in vision, nearness
my body searches all day long
my heart prays through the unmoving night
for His smell, His texture
the shape of his chest against my ear
a warm beating river

this lack of music is deadening my spirit

so many times i imprinted his chemical patterns
i have become a cleverly crafted
immaculately locked safe-box
cutting me off from all other body thieves
only he will set the unlock in motion
his fingerprints, his delicate tongue saying my name


this predator's trap was set so beautifully
and how crushed I am in its grip
so much pressure it feels invisible, nonexistant
yet no one will see me move

they tell me time releases all prisoners from their shackles
and what happens to the self-imposed? they must choose freedom
but it's in this prison- in the darkness, in the corners
where hardness greets dead-ends-
that i have him safely kept without distraction
he awaits me in delta waves
and the dream comes full circle
to see him is so satisfying even in false
instant dreams

and yes, we pressed ourselves together
inside out
so many times
so many times
just enough times to make himself a home
in the deepest places- in every beautiful fiber
he has bent my genetic coding to remember him
and carry him with me

it must be time to tend to him -
again!
the ticking of my atrial valves
so anxious without my lover's touch
strung out on love's elixir
I pray like a junkie for my next {near fatal} vital fix

chocolat

stirred dark beans crushed molded melted and transcended
into an elixir
an alchemous treasure for the spirit

essence rich round
and steady forward finishing
like dark lace, splashes of earth,
sweet, heavy, top notes of spice, wood, and fruit

dripping into a pottery mug
fat dark raindrops
promising adventure, inquisitive heartbeats
stirring fingers of fate

tasting the raw
pearls of the pod
gather your lessons
each day to renew yourself

free spirit
gnosis
gifts of heaven and earth

esperanza
the healing fire
in the solar plexus
sustenance comes in many forms

gracias mi amore

one day at a time

my stomach is round and full of misunderstanding
the concept of sustenance, inner misgivings
shrimp and bruschetta, riesling,
handed over by a metal man, reflecting only surface polish

heart pounding, legs swollen with new demands, new striations
movement and anger, growth in each step, in each push forward
bright colors, primary used to move you into momentum
i am flushed, rotated, my blood has been recycled

amused by Muse, their Map of the Problematique,
probably mapped out for the tick tock of time and shattering glass
when the grandfather clock demands the next second to be fulfilld
problems bending time: the map is missing


gift of the endrocrines
exhausted sedated body
full day, full night
wake up with tight string, tight bands, steel ropes
to loosen with love one more time
one day at a time
one life at a time