to make love and be without

such animalist desires
my body screams and tantrums for his vibration
His skin, His lips

we criminalized our bodies against an ancient law
beyond rational control
and I tremble to obey the resulting sentence

my strength grips and frustrates at emptiness
my stomach rolls, searching for him in vision, nearness
my body searches all day long
my heart prays through the unmoving night
for His smell, His texture
the shape of his chest against my ear
a warm beating river

this lack of music is deadening my spirit

so many times i imprinted his chemical patterns
i have become a cleverly crafted
immaculately locked safe-box
cutting me off from all other body thieves
only he will set the unlock in motion
his fingerprints, his delicate tongue saying my name


this predator's trap was set so beautifully
and how crushed I am in its grip
so much pressure it feels invisible, nonexistant
yet no one will see me move

they tell me time releases all prisoners from their shackles
and what happens to the self-imposed? they must choose freedom
but it's in this prison- in the darkness, in the corners
where hardness greets dead-ends-
that i have him safely kept without distraction
he awaits me in delta waves
and the dream comes full circle
to see him is so satisfying even in false
instant dreams

and yes, we pressed ourselves together
inside out
so many times
so many times
just enough times to make himself a home
in the deepest places- in every beautiful fiber
he has bent my genetic coding to remember him
and carry him with me

it must be time to tend to him -
again!
the ticking of my atrial valves
so anxious without my lover's touch
strung out on love's elixir
I pray like a junkie for my next {near fatal} vital fix